Facing the Music by Nick Carter

Author:Nick Carter [Carter, Nick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bird Street Books
Published: 2013-09-14T04:00:00+00:00

PERSONAL NOTES

CHAPTER SIX

COOL SPRINGS REHAB

I WAS A wreck during the recording of Backstreet’s Unbreakable album in 2006. I knew I was seriously mistreating my body and that I wasn’t living up to my true potential.

I was so depressed that I couldn’t contribute a lot to the songwriting process or do much else on the album aside from singing in the studio. I was in a steep downward spiral, dealing with problems clearly of my own making.

AS MUCH AS I LONGED TO MAKE A CHANGE, I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF I GAVE UP MY DEPENDENCIES.

I wanted to stop partying and getting wasted, but I was afraid to. As much as I longed to make a change, I didn’t know what life would be like if I gave up my dependencies. I was like a guy who freezes halfway up while climbing a wall. I knew I had to make a move, but I was afraid to let go long enough to reach higher.

Fear of the unknown can hold you back; so if you ever find yourself locked up like that, knowing that you need to make a change but afraid to pursue something better, ask yourself: What’s the worst that could happen? Then consider: Is it better or worse than where you are now? Sometimes we subconsciously equate change with death. We’re afraid that if we fail or fall short, something in us will die. But in most cases, when you let go to reach for something better, you actually improve your situation.

I was trapped in a self-destructive lifestyle. I knew I needed to break free. Thoughts of escape kept coming to me, though I felt more like I needed to run toward something better. Your life is the product of the decisions you make along the way, and my decisions had been consistently bad for a long stretch in my twenties.

I WAS LIKE A GUY WHO FREEZES HALFWAY UP WHILE CLIMBING A WALL.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t the person you wanted to be, or the person you were meant to be? In my case, things just seemed out of synch (no reference to that other boy band intended!). I was lucky to have my music and BSB because other than that, I was lost. My relationships with my family members weren’t going well and I hadn’t found a girlfriend yet who seemed interested in anything other than my celebrity status, which I never felt particularly comfortable with myself.

My therapist later taught me about the concepts of the authentic self and the inner critic. Basically, whether we know it or not, most of us have certain principles and values that make up the moral code by which we live. These values include ideas about what is right and wrong, good and bad, proper and improper. Most of these are based in common sense standards that society in general views as good for our shared quality of life. Few would argue, for example, that honesty is

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